CogHere2Serve
August 9, 2022
Est. Reading: 3 minutes

My boyfriend was disgusted by my family after meeting them

The predicament I'm at a loss because My boyfriend was disgusted by my family after meeting with them. We've been dating for eight months, and I'm over heels in love with him. We like each other's company, yet there is a reoccurring issue stemming from our contrasting upbringings. My family is wealthy, and we're all quite close. We don't have a lot of money, but we've had a good childhood. My boyfriend's family is the complete opposite. Despite the fact that his family was not wealthy growing up, his parents had an unhappy marriage that has left him without a decent bond with them. There have only been two occasions when my partner has had the opportunity to spend time with his parents, and because we traveled to visit them and stayed with them both times, it has been a very emotional experience for him. Since then, he's come clean and stated he doesn't get along with my mom and dad. I adore him and do not want to be apart from him. I'm concerned about the long-term consequences of this decision.

Mariella offers an answer. You have good reason to be worried, but he doesn't have to start a fling with your parents for you two to stay together. If he expressed genuine joy about his in-laws, he'd be quite a find. In order to rule out alcoholism or mental health issues, you'd have to do some tests on him. Most mature individuals, including my spouse, find their own parents bothersome. Tolerance and liking are two very different emotions.

I'm not expecting your boyfriend to get along with your parents, but I'm intrigued by why he's not even trying. I'm counting on him to put up with them on a semi-regular basis. In any long-term relationship, whether it's with your spouse, your in-laws, or your children, learning to live with the peculiarities of others is an important part of growing up.

Formerly, happiness was an uncommon luxury, and no one anticipated an easy existence except for those who were unfortunate enough to come from wealthy families. Nowadays, happiness is seen as a fundamental human right, which helps to explain why, despite having more than our forebears, we remain dissatisfied.

In a recent interview, writer Ian McEwan discussed the ease with which we shrug off responsibilities and drag innocents behind us for the sake of personal fulfillment in his latest book set in family courts. We place a high value on one's own desires. During this centennial year of World War One, we commemorate the tremendous sacrifices made by our countrymen and women. No matter who we're dealing with, tolerance is rampant, and we're not willing to accept anything less than the best.

As a revolutionary act, letting go of millennia of oppressive societal expectations in the 1960s took both bravery and tenacity. Nowadays, the most common goal is to make oneself happy. We've lost sight of the fact that happiness without pain is like a tomato without salt — it's just not the same.

Your lover must be tolerant of your parents if you want to feel free to express yourself. His in-laws reside overseas, so he won't be required to attend Sunday lunch every week, as you point out. He must, however, accept their significance in your life and, by extension, in his own life as well.

Regarding the fact that your parents have it better financially, I'm worried that you believe this explains his strained connection with his parents. I don't believe so. Is it possible that his annoyance stems from your parents' smug feeling of entitlement? Even if money may make our lives easier, I've yet to come across a case where it can be used to purchase a pleasure.

Finally, although personal enjoyment may be the spark that ignites a relationship, it is important to remember that it is a team effort. It's not enough to have sex and desire; there has to be compromise and thoughtfulness, as well as support and tolerance. An excellent guideline to follow is to keep track of whether or not pleasure equals or surpasses misery. If your partner isn't willing to take on the responsibility of helping you maintain a healthy emotional balance, it's likely that you'll be living without him rather than your parents.

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